Seven months now since moving to Philadelphia. I don’t like the cold and snow. I don’t like the squirrels who have stored their winter nuts in my attic! But I do like the idea of waking up every morning and discovering a new part of me in this new place. This new place forced me to, let’s say, reconcile with myself. I had this very bad habit of mentally beating up on myself. I’m too fat, my alopecia is getting worse, my teeth are crooked! But a new place is forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. I can’t complain anymore… I have no one to complain too! There isn’t my personal trainer from the Atlanta Carver Y or any of my peers at work. As I was figuring out how I would fit into this new place I discovered my dear friend….me and she was not having any of that! I realized that the place may be new but the journey is the same and yet I am ever evolving.
“Almost 60” has me slowing down, not physically or mentally, but slowing down and becoming more aware of …well life. Now before someone blurts out and scream, “How could she not be aware of this evil political climate we’re in?” Not that kind of awareness. I grew up in the segregated South in early 60’s. I was born aware! There is a serious discussion one has with oneself when friends your age are passing away; when you feel you have forty more years in you and not ready to go anywhere. This awareness comes from a place that’s within that is sometimes ugly. Yep, it wreaks of low self-esteem and shame…it’s not pretty. But I got my mirror up and taking it all in. It’s taking all of who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, my successes and failures, my insecurities and assurances, my good hair days and bad ones. I meet myself everyday with all of it. And I’m freaking loving it!! I can spin my wheels to create what the world may admire or I can choose to appreciate the person whose daughter shares her days with and whose husband greets her with the warmest smile every morning. I can appreciate the person at church whose young folks have allowed her to share in their friend’s birthday cake and dance with them even if her dance moves are to 1977 disco sounds…don’t hate!
It doesn’t take physically moving to a new place to discover how awesome you are, it just takes being able to be real with you and move into a new place that at first doesn’t feel all that great but once you’ve busted out your cocoon, you relax and enjoy the rest . I’m living and learning in this new place; open to all possibilities and ready to receive.
Don’t be afraid to take inventory of yourself. I bet your best friend is waiting for you and will be so glad when you finally show up! Sit down with her or him and have some tea! I will join you.
Take care of yourself and your dreams!!!